You Belong

Tough week last week, at least in terms of dealing with the reality of human mortality. First, a man in his early 40s killed himself. His parents are Episcopalian, so they wanted the funeral to be at Christ Church. Then, a woman in her 70s (I think) contacted me to come see her as she prepares to die from cancer. Finally, I received a call from a family to come to the hospital to baptize a baby born prematurely who had died.

In each of these cases death came -- or is coming -- prematurely. For each of these families, there is deep sadness and pain.

What I'm struck with is how each of these families reached out to the church. In some way, they needed to know that they were cared for and loved not only by God but by a community of faithful people. Perhaps this doesn't seem strange to you, but according to the American Religious Identification Survey, 27% of Americans do not expect to have a religious funeral. That's over 80 million people!

In the case of the woman who is dying of cancer, she wants desperately to be a member of the church. She does not want to die isolated from a community or from God. It is not enough for her that I officiate at the funeral or bury her. What will give her peace of mind is knowing that she belongs, that she has a place, a people and a community, to which she is intimately a part.

She asked me what she needed to do to become a member. Well, I suppose I could have gone through the list of expectations and hopes we have for members. I could have talked about making a financial pledge, participating in worship, giving time, etc., etc. In other words, I could have talked about institutional stuff, the stuff I normally talk about.

Instead, I simply said, "You're a member. You belong. I'm the rector and I can decide that. You are now a part of Christ Church." In essence, I told her what she needed to hear (and what I believe to be absolutely true): she belongs.

To say she (and her family) felt relieved is an understatement. I think they were expecting me to set up a bunch of hoops for her to jump through to be a part of the Christ Church community. They certainly weren't expecting a simple embrace and acceptance (and I'm not touting myself to be a great priest here; I can't imagine doing anything else because I believe it is what Jesus would do).

Somehow, this all says a lot to me about how we need to be the church in the world today. It's so easy to fall back on institutional processes and rules. But what Jesus says when people approach him is "Come and see" (John 1:39). Do we need to do anything else?

I suspect one of the reasons that 27% of Americans do not want a religious funeral is that they look at us and see only institutional religion, not a loving, Jesus centered community. It's tempting to say that folks out there just don't understand us. But that's not good enough. We need to find a way to break down the doors and walls we have erected, the ones that make it too difficult to belong. We need to invite people to come and see. And when (or more likely, if) they do, we need to embrace them and welcome them home.